Sep 28, 2012

Seriously? I'm Supposed to Care?

My editor recently tried to shame me into not using the word "cager" so much in my column and the news. Apparently, cagers think being called "cagers" is insulting. I only have one thing to say about that; who gives a fuck?

They should attend one of my MSF classes where I warn new riders to look out for cagers because their choice of vehicles has clearly marked them for incompetence. "If you need four wheels to balance yourself in your vehicle, you're obviously handicapped, incompetent, and dangerous." A cage is just an oversized Hooveround. If you need one, fine. Just don't ask me to call your crip-mobile a race car. Yeah, I'm specially pissed-off today. Live with it.


  1. No need to sugar coated it. :) I understand you completely.

  2. You can't say it enough.......what would the better term be ? From the get go they have been a bad idea,a forced mode of transportation. They had to buy out /rip out the twin cities trolly lines to force people to drive. Then they created a mindless hwy system to make sure we would have to drive somewhere just to shop, after the neighborhoods collapsed. " hooveround" ! By 2030 over 50% of the MN population will need one just to get to their cage.......

  3. Love it. Someone more pissed off than me.

  4. Okay, you get the prize for the best rant I've read in a long time. Very well said me thinks.

    I think it is scary how they are automating the cages now days. Blind spot warnings, parallel park assist and braking the vehicle when they get to close to another. Just what we need more drones in cages on auto pilot. Yeah, that'll help keep us safe, NOT.

  5. Awesome!

    My only complaint with the term is that it fosters a stereotype and guarantees a divide between two populations. There's not a lot of room for conversation when one side says "Why should we talk to you idiots on your donorcycles?" and the other side says "Yeah? Well, I didn't want to talk to anyone who's stuck in a cage anyway." Personally, I spend about 40% of my time in the summer in a car. I don't much enjoy riding the rain, and I don't feel like I have to prove a point. I ride a small bike (a Rebel 250), and it's not practical for me to put three passengers on it. Nor is it useful for carrying 8' pieces of 2x4, or full sheets of plywood. Am I, therefore, "obviously handicapped, incompetent, and dangerous"? No. I know a number of people who would be great motorcyclists, but don't want to be, because they want the comfort or safety or carrying capacity of their car.

    That said... you've got a point about the folks who CAN'T handle anything else. And I agree with Trobairitz about how terrifying the automation in cars is. I mean, seriously, if you can't parallel park your car on your own, why are you even trying to park in the city?

  6. I haven't calculated my time stuck in a car, but, honestly, if I wasn't married I'd just rent the damn things when I need to haul wood or sheetrock. I'm fine with riding in the rain although I'm too old for riding on ice or snow. Hell, I'm too old for ice or snow, period. If you've read my column, you know "carrying capacity" is not on my list of reasons for existing. I get stuck driving family a lot, but I'd just as soon meet them where ever we're going and avoid car conversations. I prefer the solitude of traveling by bus than being cooped up in a cage being asked "20 questions" while I worry about the retard in the 16-wheeler trying to crawl up my ass. I do not multitask well; either do you.

    I'm probably more comfortable with the idea of smart cars than I believe in the concept of smart people. When and if they ever arrive, I'd consider buying one when 90% of traffic is automated. Until that critical mass hits, I'm staying off of public roads for a while.

  7. So what causes the break where you go from grumpy geezer to total retard? This has got to be one of your most mindless rants ever. Was it really your editor? Or was this the day of your close call? Wife piss you off?

    And then there is your response above. So why the hell did you even get married? Is it something you regret? Having to spend all that time in a car with your wife? Having to drive a car to get your family where they need to be? "Oh and the talking, all the goddamned talking". Obviously you resent it since it invades into your precious alone time on the motorcycle. "On no you all go on in the car, because if I have to spend one more minute with you cage driving intellectual inferiors..."

    Yes I get "stuck" driving my family around too. Man-up and deal with it. Tomorrow I'm going to drive to get my oldest son from college and we're going to haul our mountain bikes with my car and spend a day on some trails. I might even pick up a cup of coffee on the way. I might at times take my hand off the wheel to change the radio station. My son and I might talk occasionally too. So please, for your own safety, stay home.

  8. Joe,

    I'm not sure which one of us woke up on the wrong-est side of the bed. My gripe is with political correctness and the sensitivity cagers expect from me as they cruise through their medicated, distracted lives. I have driven cages for a living and for family stuff for 50 years. I have hated being in a car for most of my 65 years, which doesn't stop me from doing it . . . or hating it. I'd rather take the bus than drive a cage myself. My wife, on the other hand, can't stand mass transit and doesn't like to drive. I "man up" and do what I have to do, but I can't find a way to like it much.

    As for the conversation aspect, when I'm watching a movie and a car driver is looking everywhere but where they are going, I have to contain myself from screaming at the fool, "Look where you're going you fuck-up!" If you want to carry on a serious conversation, a car is a lousy place for it. Humans can not multitask ( We aren't that smart or that focused on one thing, let alone two. That's one of the beauties of motorcycling. If you're doing it right, you're just concentrating on the ride, not the scenery, being seen, or thinking about the bills you haven't paid.


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