Show Stoppers

For the last month or so, my 71-year-old vision problems have multiplied into what appears to be a show stopper for what I had hoped might be my last years as a motorcyclist. Last year, about the same time, I had a sudden bout with double-vision that took me out of the driver’s seat until I ended up with a variation in my glasses prescription that involved prisms. (I have no idea how that works, but it did for about a year.) Early March, this year, it happened again, but way worse. Another visit to the optometrist and I learn that my eyes’ offset has flipped and that is an indication of something serious going wrong. So far, none of the various tests I’ve undergone have enlightened either me or the docs. 

I don’t know about you, but I am not inclined to be a one-eyed motorcyclist. I’ve put in a bunch of miles on the bicycle this spring, one-eyed, and it sucks. When I was young and even more foolish than now, I imagined that losing my hearing would be worse than losing my eyesight. I’ve been involved in music for my whole adult (and most of my youth) life and my hearing was once something I took some pride in. Old age, noise exposure, stupidity, and bad luck have taken a toll on my hearing. I’m at the age Sir George Martin was when he decided it was time to hang up his golden ears. I don’t think I ever had golden ears, but they were pretty damn good for a lot of years. Now, they aren’t. Following that realization comes the current problem with my eyes.

Luckily, my close vision hasn’t been much effected. Which is why I can write this without being driven nuts. All this likely means that I might be selling off my only motorcycle, my 2008 Yamana WR250X yet this spring. I sold my V-Strom last spring, after discovering that I no long had the strength or will to wrestle with a 400 pound motorcycle. If I were capable of loving a motorcycle, that amazing 2004 650 was as close as I will ever get. It just never let me down and was always a delight to ride. My WR is a close second, but I will likely never end up spending as much long-distance, day-after-day time on the WR unless I get a couple more years with some cure for this vision problem. If I sell the WR, I will likely be done as a motorcyclist.

I might also be done as a cage driver. My overall sight in my right eye (the good one) is pretty sad. My distance judgement was never great, even with glasses, but one-eyed it is non-existent. My father had similar probably at about my age and ended up having his license taken away after several rear end crashes that were all his fault. I am not going to do that. I have always believed that one crash in the back of another vehicle should disqualify someone from ever driving anything heavier than a bicycle. It means you are stupid or physically disabled enough to be incapable of safe driving. That applies to me, too.

Looking Old?

I spent the week with my "little brother" and we made a loop around Lake Superior on two of my motorcycles: the WR250X (me) and the 650 V-Strom (Larry). Early on, I discovered he shares a dysfunction with my wife. Larry and my wife lived the first decades of their life blessed with great eyesight. Now that they are old, they need glasses but won't wear them because it makes them look/feel old.

I have always been legally blind in one eye and somewhat sighted out of the other. Going from single-prescription glasses to bifocals was no big deal for me. In fact, I started experimenting with bifocals when I was in my mid-40's. Since I've always resembled a troll and have never been cursed with worrying about looking good, smart, or young, glasses are just one more nail in the coffin of my un-coolness.

As best I can tell, some old people resist wearing bifocals because they think glasses make them look old. So, they squint helplessly at menus and other text and ask other people to read for them or fumble through their pockets and purses looking for their "reading glasses." They also screw up a lot because they can't read anything with print smaller than a traffic sign. In short, because they can't read normal text, they look dumb a lot.

Even with a zillion dollars in plastic surgery behind her, Joan Rivers still looks and moves like a geezer. She's just a freaky scary looking geezer who inspires me to look for a cross and a stake whenever I see her face.  Here's a hint, it's not the glasses that makes you look old. It's being old that makes you look old. You really have only two choices to worry about: wearing glasses or don't. If you don't, you'll be a squinty geezer who also appears to be illiterate. Or put another way, look old or look old and stupid. It's your choice.