May 2, 2012

Two Wheeled Wednesday

More than the usual early May traffic today. All I can say is, "Be careful out there." There must have been some kind of special on cell phones, because everyone in a cage seems to be yakking on one. I came up with a concept for a weapon to explode the damn things on the way in today. I might have to work on it. A huge scar on one side of an asshole's face could be like the 21st Century's "scarlett letter." Serves you right for having one of the damn things in your car.

On the way into work, yesterday, I was reminded of my old California commutes. Riding Rice Street into downtown St. Paul, I couldn't make much space for myself; cars close behind me and erratic drivers on all sides. About Maryland, a school bus stopped; yellow lights flashing. The cell-phone babbling fool in front of me slammed on his brakes. The two idiots behind me were gibbering in their cell phones, totally clueless about the on-coming obstacles. I split the space between the bus and the leading idiot and kept moving. The car behind me slammed into the stopped car. The other idiot it the bus, then hit the 2nd car. Fuckin' morons.

Since there were no innocent parties, other than the school bus, I kept moving and got to work whole and on time. Someday, the state will have to stop giving out drivers' licenses in Cracker Jacks boxes.


Chris said...

callphones are popular in montana too. a nice combination with their 75mph speed limits.

Anonymous said...

Well done for getting out of the way. That impact would have done your new bionic bits no good what so ever.

Unfortunately these morons are worldwide, we have them here in Ireland too. The worst I have seen while commuting to work recently include the female executive in her BMW X5, who was leaning over to hold her phone between her ear and her shoulder while writing onto a notepad held on the steering wheel with her left hand. The pen was in her right while she attempted to steer with her elbows. Lets just say her driving was somewhat erratic!

Then there was the guy in a marked fire car (so he should have known better), who was shaving in moving traffic with an electric razor, complete with all the head movements necessary to get to all those akward joints between his chin and his neck.

And Bruce Mike doesn't understand why we should all wear helmets?

keep safe,


Unknown said...


we have the same problem here, even though we have a "cellphone" law. Everyone is on the phone, or texting while driving.

We have a few intersections where the Police hide behind barriers, and when the cars stop at the red lights they suddenly appear to give the driver's $167. tickets. I love it !

Riding the Wet Coast
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T.W. Day said...

I think an EMP gun would be the hot ticket. There is at least a few dozen feet of conductor in a cell phone. A well-focused EMP would produce enough voltage to turn the lithium battery into a small cherry bomb. It's technology outside of the average DIY'er's capability, but I'd buy one if it were available. I am growing to hate cell phones.

Anonymous said...

A couple of years ago I rolled up to a four-way stop intersection, and being of a suspicious nature I decided to wait to see what the truck coming from the right would do as he was just rolling up to the junction very slowly. The answer was nothing--his truck just kept rolling along slowly--probably a walking pace--right through the intersection. About half way across he suddenly looked up from his texting, glanced around, and promptly went right back to the phone and rolled away down the road having never changed speed one iota. I'm not sure exactly how he was staying on the road as he wasn't looking at all.

Paul said...

This morning on eastbound 94, had a full size van pull in front of me from the 280 exit only lane. I passed on his left as soon as I could, he was doing the slow wander in and out of his lane, and he was holding his cell up on the steering wheel, doing who knows what. As I shot forward, a few hundred feet ahead of him was an Escalade doing the same slow move out of the lane and back. This time a middle aged woman with the rear view tilted to her face and working a make-up brush furiously.
I'm thinking of making a holder for a boat/stadium horn so I can give em a blast as I go by.