A Way Back for You Girliemen

For all of you lightweights who let your girlfriend or wife (or whatever other wimpy politically-correct title you give "the boss") who told you to sell the motorcycle, Aerostich has a solution: the "Magnetic Baby Onsie."

"Having a baby changes everything -- including your motorcycle riding. This new Aerostich Magnetic Baby Onsie (View action video.) helps you manage it without giving up your bike. Simply place any child within the Onsie and position it on your gas tank as if it were a magnetic tank bag. Then clip the safety leash to handlebar and ride! Prototypes have been endorsed by experts and baby-tested at over 140mph! For security and peace-of-mind it’s made of strong abrasion-resistant GORE-TEX Cordura with a full-length water-proof zipper, an internal comfort pad and three strong rare-earth magnets per side. A large strip of 3M SOLUS reflective provides nighttime conspicuity and inside is a removable, washable, fire-retardant 100% cotton fleece lining. There’s also a detachable 36” shoulder-strap to maximize off-bike portability. Available in Small (1-6 months) or Medium (6–18 months) and either Hello Kitty, Sponge Bob, California Raisin, or Spiderman-licensed styles. A Millard-Marcus-Rebeka product. View action video."

I only wish I had a kid to test this with. Can I borrow yours?

Change of Life

After 50 years of despising all things "vintage," I have become a convert. It was love at first sight. I loved the chrome, I loved the twin Amal carburetors. I loved the steering lock and the absolutely necessary for any sense of stability steering damper. Nothing could have inspired more confidence than the long fuel tank and extreme rear-set footpegs, requiring me to lean into the wind as if I was launching myself into a tornado.

Sure, there is a little oil on the floor under the motor. It wouldn't be British without a leak or two. The near total absence of suspension travel was inspiring when I leaned the bike into a corner. After my test ride, I learned that the Girling shocks had drained themselves and the previous owner decided the bike worked best with the suspension lightened of unnecessary lubricants. I can see that and the ride is proof to the theory.

The electrics are superb. Lucas from headlight to taillight and the finest English electrical components throughout. The bike starts as easily as the space shuttle and with no more energy required than that super high tech device requires. Place your right foot on the kicker and give it a boot and, once again for good measure, and, another time to be sure you really mean it, and . . . the German-made aftermarket $2,200 electric start option was well worth the investment.

We, my wife and I, decided that this would be our retirement plan and our vacation budget for the rest of our lives. I took all of my life savings and poured it into this project as if I was a Republican Representative and was writing a tax credit for every robber baron, every oil company, and every little Paris Hilton and G.W. Bush who would ever be born. So far, we're at $117,544.77 and the project is almost finished. I'm sure it is a solid investment because this is the British equivalent of a Harley Davidson. What could go wrong?

April Fools